*practically speaking*

A: I think we should have more sex for practical reasons. We are paying a lot of money for birth control.

*on fashion*

A: Well, I guess we found out what happened to all that leftover orange shag carpet from the sixties.

*a great conversation starter*

Me: Why do my boobs have to come up in every conversation?

A: Because they are such a good ice breaker!

*on gender confusion*

A: Oh come on! It’s not that hard!  Look down! Do you have an innie or an outie??

*on going green*

Me: Are we taking the elevator?

A: No.

Me: Then why’d you push the button?

A: I like to waste energy.

*the lack of multitasking*

A: (after playing video games for the last few hours) Hun, whatcha doing?

Me: Oh, I baked a cake.

A: WHAT??

*giddyup*

A: When no one’s around I walk like a cowboy.

*I doubted his dancing skills*

A: Baby, I’ve got moves up the Yin-freaking-Yang!!

*a potential mugger*

A: The last thing I need is some creepy old man mugging me cause I look like his ex-wife’s poodle!!

*on loyalty*

Me: What would you do if I decided to move out into the desert and live in a cave?

A: Change my name to Og and wear a loin cloth.